Simple DIY: Managing Your Anger/Sadness

We've all been there; getting angry or sad and then end up lashing out. Yeah, it almost sounds too familiar. Unfortunately, many of us don't know how to handle our anger well and it ends up being someone we care about getting the best of it...or worse, destroying ourselves. It hurts.

BUT, I have a new solution to the problem that doesn't cost a fortune and is easily effective in many ways, mostly therapeutic!
I like to call my newest project: "Project Anti-Acting Out". Why? Because when we are angry or sometimes in a severe state of sadness, a lot of us act out in a manner that is quite unhealthy. I had just announced my project earlier in the evening on my Facebook and had reached many responses to it. The best part about this method is that you don't need insurance or a licensed therapist, but a notebook, pen, and your thoughts.
However, not just any thoughts...No. These thoughts are meant to be specific. The way we feel when we are angry or sad is usually feelings of hatred. These feelings of hatred usually stem off into curse words that we normally would say aloud, but instead, you say it on paper; a one worded sentence over and over and over....until you feel better.

Example:
"Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Fuck. Bitch. Asshole. Jerk. Fucker. Cunt" and the list goes on and on.Okay, Yeah I know my words might be a little vulgar to the norm, but "Poophead" wasn't really in the cards when my anger struck...I am more verbally abusive when it comes to my attack. When it comes to feeling better, it's best to write it out the way you normally would if you were actually going to say it...but instead, you're not saying it to anyone but yourself.

Why is it effective?
Because. Think about it....Instead of striking down a victim in a verbally abusive manner, you write it down and keep writing it until you feel better. You just keep going until you no longer feel the need to. It's as simple as that..Oh and did I mention that it's incredibly cheap? I'm sure many of you have a notebook and pen lying around, so go make use of the unwritten journal and make it into a personal tool to self medicate yourself in a healthier way.

And that's all that needs to be explained.

How do you "act out"?

Sincerely,
Josie

Pour Some Sugar On Me: Life As A Sugar Baby

This is a very tough subject to really put into words, which is why I have made a couple videos on my YouTube account to really express how I feel about the subject and have received some very appreciated responses to the matter as well.
This lifestyle is not for everyone and I will just say this first and foremost. This is something that can be adapted into one's lifestyle, but seriously, if it's not for you, you will know and therefore do not pursue it any further. This is some very sage advice that I will be throwing out into the open to use as you please, but caution: This is all at your own risk and I do not accept or should be held accountable for your actions.

What is a sugar baby, you ask? A sugar baby is a female whom dates wealthy (mostly) older males (called "Sugar Daddies" to gain money, gifts, and luxury. Basically, if you work it right, you can get anything your heart desires...but that's too easy, right? Exactly. There's an abundance that goes along with the rewards that could potentially become high risks for you in the process and that shall be mentioned.

There are many ways to attain the Sugar Daddy of your dreams, but just be warned that a background check might come in handy if it deems appropriate. However, many sites these days that offer the SD/SB relationship require for SD's only to have one upon signing up and I love this as it will confirm everything you really want and/or need to know. However, if you do it a craigslist way and search, that is at your own risk and I do not condone this as craigslist is the shadiest of all places on the internet (insert Lifetime movie: "The Craigslist Killer").

Now as for the sites, what ones should you look into? Here's a short list that I personally have enjoyed:

• SeekingArrangements (Great site with many benefits and lots of verification)
• MissTravel (For those looking to be a companion and see the world)
• Sugarbaby4u (A little meh, but does the job)
• MarryMeSugarDaddy (Obviously for those looking for love and wealth)
• WhatsYourPrice (Very self explanatory...you set the rate and they pay to take you on the date!)
• SugarSugar (Another basic site for SD/SB dating)

So which site is right for you? Obviously that is all determined by your wants/needs and the rest is history. That's the fun part of the whole process, but next is the scary part which many young women tend to disregard....

1. Safety...and in case that isn't obvious enough, then maybe you need to check yourself for some common sense. You have every option in this world to make yourself safe from danger just as you do to make yourself approachable. Set limits or better yet boundaries and draw a thick line. Put your foot down and never back away from your comfort zone. The most common mistake that Sugar Babies make is the whole getting too comfortable wayyyy too fast. This is how you get yourself in danger and no amount of money can provide you that kind of security.
2. Honesty...if there's a will, there's a way and that will help you get what you want out of the relationship. You can't expect the Sugar Daddy to take control of everything, no, that is your job. How do you expect to get what you want if you don't lay it out on the table and have it recognized? Exactly my point. Never beat around the bush as it will only create more frustration on your part. Don't lie and say you are childless when in fact you are a mother. An SD will wonder why you aren't making arrangements as often and will tend to move on unless you provide him with that info that you have other responsibilities and need to tend to that first. Don't worry about it either because a real SD will comply with that and like I said, YOU are in control of this relationship.
3. Trust...A relationship is made up of this one very word and just like a normal relationship, this applies to an arrangement. Don't act all into it if you're not going to hold up your end of the bargain, SD's will notice if you're just in it to take the money and run...no, that is not how it's done. This is a relationship and in which you basically tend to the SD as well. If you're looking to just score a Louis and some cash to run with, then you might as well just become a Cam Girl because Cam Girl's are soulless in that aspect.

So now that we have the 3 main basic (or what I like to call) "Rules of Disregard" out of the way, what's next?

Ahh, yes...Your Profile and such....

So you have made an account on a site and now you're wondering how to make it all come together; to get those Sugar Daddies running your way to vie for your attention. But now you're at a loss of words and lack of imagination, here's a few things that could help you benefit:

1. Make sure your profile picture is something that shows off your good side; something that maybe you have gained much positive feedback on FB or other social networking sites. Don't be too revealing, but don't look like you just rolled out of bed, snapped a pic, and decided that was good enough. No, make up is your friend and lighting does wonders. If you have a few extra pounds, don't photoshop it; accentuate it. If you have extra pounds, explain it and don't be insecure. You are woman so let the SD world hear you roar (Katy Perry style!).
2. Do not hide any details. If you have goals and dreams then be sure to list it! An SD loves a woman with passion and how else are they going to know to help you if you don't tell them. However, though details are great, don't be too obvious...leave some mystery open for discussion. 
3. If you're looking for an SD right away, then don't wait for one to contact you...initiate the conversation first by sending a message, wink...whatever is available. When you do get to talking, always talk on the site first and then give personal numbers out later. If he's genuine then he will understand.
4. Lastly, when you get to the stage of arrangement status then make it local first...or have him come to you. especially if you're not comfortable with traveling just yet. However, if you are interested in travel first, then be sure to have him request a hotel room for you first so you have a place to go and NEVER bring him there with you just for cautionary purposes. The last thing that is to be mentioned is that a public "date" is sagely important just in the beginning because who knows what his intentions are and that is something you need to guard.

These are all the basics that are necessary to know in order to become a successful Sugar Baby. As you can see, a lot more is entailed than expected. It may seem easy to keep up with, but the lifestyle traps you into it fast to the point where you think you can handle more than you can chew. When I first got into the Lifestyle, I had no idea just how addictive it could become and I later found myself with 3 SDs and a lot of regret. Stick to a slow pace and just go ahead and proceed with caution.

If you think this is all fairytale without the horror, you are dead wrong. I have encountered times when I could have gotten myself in some serious harm and back then I wish I had someone to guide with with the knowledge that I have pertained nowadays. I started out the worst way possible and that was getting into the relationship without setting limits until it was almost too late. With that being said:

You do not have to have sex with your Sugar Daddy. It may come as a surprise to some of you, but a lot of SDs aren't just looking for a fine piece of ass, they look for companionship as well which is also rather hard to come across. If you feel you aren't ready to engage in such things, you make sure that is known and any respectful person will comply with that, especially your SD (or genuine SD).

I have gained numerous responses retorting that what I have done and what many other women do is basically prostitution- Wrong! A prostitute and a SB may seem very similar (and which they are in the business aspect) there are many things that set apart an SB from a prostitute.

A prostitute is basically all business without the companionship. They gather clients and get paid for sex and sex only. Prostitutes basically have no further connection with these people and never go outside of their business to interact with their customers otherwise. With an SB, you make connections with these men you intend to pursue and you go out on dates and create other activities that you both enjoy together; it's an ongoing arrangement and just like every other normal relationship, you make a choice to engage in sexual activity with your SD based on your limits, but you aren't bound to it just for money like a prostitute would. I like to consider an SD/SB relationship like any other relationship out there...think of it as having a very wealthy and much older boyfriend.

So you see? There is a difference after all and if you so desire and get to that point in time, you could potentially end up marrying your SD if you choose to do so...that is all up to you. You keep it as you'd like and it is to be complied. Sex is just something us humans do as a part of nature, but if it is morally wrong for you to do so, then you don't have to. Believe it or not, not all SDs are in it for sex...many of them are just lonely and need someone to hang out with or talk to so as a token of their appreciation, they spoil you. It works out on so many levels, but you need to understand that a certain gain of trust is what makes it happen.

You can definitely benefit from this lifestyle and I have seen many success in it. I have been asked if it's possible to quit a dead end job that you're already committed to and just be a full-time SD? Absolutely! If you feel your arrangements are working very well, then go for it, but I personally like a fall back in case things don't go the way as intended. I actually encourage many young SBs to continue working while doing the SD/SB relationship. This also applies to you Co-Ed women. That is very self-explained as well.

I obviously wouldn't have came on here to talk about this subject if I had no knowledge whatsoever and in fact because of my success with my YT vids and awesome feedback, I have been offered appearances on various talk shows to explain my experience as well as advice to aspiring SBs out there. To be fair, I have respectfully declined to do so though I had many interest, but maybe one day I will share my experience with the world on a live broadcast...right now, it's just not suit.

There is more to life than being a Sugar Baby. I love how normal everything is in my life without the luxury...which was nice and I was very fortunate to get, but finding your own independence is so much more rewarding and safer I must add. Without the pressure of keeping a relationship I wasn't happy with, I have found myself so much happier to connect with someone out in the real world that cares for me more than just arm candy and for me I get to care for someone and benefit from that on the basis of love. That to me is so much more luxurious. In the words of Lorde: "Well never be Royals, it doesn't run in our blood, that kind of luxe just aint for us, we crave a different kind of buzz". That to me speaks volumes because sometimes stepping outside of where you come from can help you value what you had in the beginning.

Now the last thing I will add is that if you have to hide your relationships/arrangements from family and friends out of shame, then maybe it's a good idea for you to gain perspective on the subject first before pursuing it. I know many joke about the matter, but if you respect the feelings of those that you truly admire, it will help you gain a better sense of what you should really be doing. It's rather complicated to begin with, but it's really your decision and if that's the case, go for it, but keep it on the DL until it is safe to openly admit it.

That is all I have for you and in the meantime ask yourself if this is right for you. Can you handle this responsibility and are you secure enough with yourself to really pull through it? Any other questions that I may have not covered enough for you, send it my way and I will do my best to respond.

As always, I only have the greatest intentions to provide you with only the best I can possibly manage.

Sincerely,

Josie

Odd Jobs Part Deux: Sexin' On The Phone.

Now as you may already know, the economy is fucked. Yes, I said it. It's no surprise that people are doing various different things to make ends meet and those are what I like to call "Odd Jobs". There's nothing wrong with doing odd jobs, it's just all in what you do and how you do it. The variety is endless and if you're smart about it, you can not only stimulate your bank account, but your resume' as well!

This is where I am going to tell you about a short-lived odd job of mine that really gave me a decent form of income as well as some confidence to speak in the real world- PLUS, I also gained some creative skill which to me is always awesome to have! In case the title wasn't obvious enough...I was a "Phone Sex Operator".

Now back before the movie: "For a Good Time Call..." was released, not many people had thought about how stimulating being a phone sex operator could be and ever since this movie's release, more women (some men, even) have gone out of their boxes and jumped into the phone sex business. To be honest, if you haven't seen the movie, I suggest it highly because it depicts just about as real as it gets for that business.

In fact, there's many great benefits to being a phone sex operator that it almost outweighs the cons.

Pros:

• You get to be your own boss
• You set the rates you want
• You work whenever you want
• You get to express your sexual side without revealing your identity
• Lastly, you can make really good money if you keep up with it.

Cons:

• Massive amounts of perverts
• Sometimes you're asked to do things outside of your comfort zone (IE: letting them hear you take a dump, etc)
• Cheap two pump chumps (and I only say this because that's the majority of your callers, but like it the movie and explained...if you set a minimum rate, you can avoid that and the real deals will come in)
• Phone bill costs (Which you can make discrete by getting an "800" number or going through a service)

It's harmless if you really think about it and as I have stated, no one needs to know who you are and plus, from my perspective....I'd rather have a man call me to get off than go to a prostitute or submitting to actual cheating. If you look at it that way, then you'll see that it really isn't all that bad. Plus, Ladies, if your man gets off on that and comes back to you to get it on...you'd totally see it in another light.

The way I see it...people are more open to doing shit that was/used to be taboo. Think back around 20 years ago when an actual career was all business oriented and you did the whole 9-5 deal, but sexual oriented jobs weren't ever mentioned and just shoved under the rug. In conclusion, running a phone sex line is very business oriented and it's a unique way to expand your options. This business entails a lot of work and sometimes, if not done right, can take a while to build a significant amount.

So look at this however you will, but personally, this is an out of the norm job for people with that have a certain special skill with their voice. A job is a job.

Sincerely,

Josie

My Current Standing.

I am not very good about updating, but I thought I would at least say something about my well being since I have started medication for anxiety....
So far, so good! I am really positive in a lot of aspects. It's become easier to block out negativity and I have found new ways to channel positive outlooks and acting on it as well. Nothing really seems to bother me at all lately and I really enjoy this feeling...even though half the time I feel like I am stoned.

Now the things I don't like about this medication.....
The side affects will always be a negative about taking any medication, mine are however mild. I get super tired easily and I lose my appetite a lot...which I hate because I LOVE food! I have lost about 5 pounds in this week alone since taking the meds. I eat about a third of what I would normally eat and sometimes I have to force feed myself because I want to to eat! In a weird way, I feel like a recovering anorexic or something, but at least I know I'm not starving and I am doing my best to eat as much as I can.

So that is where I am with the medication. I feel good, I rarely eat, but I am well and that's good enough for me. I will always strive for a better outcome as you can only get better when going through something life changing. Life is amazing once you learn or find a way to control the way you feel. Sometimes you just have to think about it and look at life in a different perspective. It's easier said than done, I know, but it's the only justification I have to show for.

How has everyone been feeling lately?

Sincerely,
Josie

Just a thought.

Before I lay my head down to sleep, I want to express how truly thankful and grateful I am for everything I have in my life.

Many people take for granted all of life's little things that it has to offer as if it's nothing. Not I. I truly appreciate everything.

I am grateful for the help I have sought out as well as the amazing love and support my boyfriend, family, and best friend have given me. I am truly forever thankful as well.

Many people might question my sincerity pertaining to certain things, but I am always sincere when it comes to things I am thankful of as well as everything else that comes along with it. Life is meant for appreciating the little things rather than the big materialistic ones. As nice as those things are, they're rather unnecessary. Fuck it.

Now I am going to rest my head and wake up to another day full of joy and wonder. Every day is brand new. You are the hero in your own fairytale.

Sincerely,

Josie

Confessions of a Cam Girl.

I have done a few odd jobs in my time and it's weird saying that considering that I'm only 23, but I have and it makes this experience acceptable for me to talk about.
This economy is shot people, so there are many justifications as to why some people do what they do. When I speak in the terms of "odd jobs", I am not talking about shoveling shit on the side to make ends meet, no, I am talking about something more exotic. I discovered my spot in the online community as a "Cam Girl".

A "Cam Girl" or "Cam Performer" is someone genuinely female (sometimes male or trans) that goes online and basically has sex with themselves for money and gifts. It's not a very respectable job in the public eye, but it's one step away from actual porn, depending on how you define porn in your eyes. I like to think of "camming" as basically a porn-like service, but you still get to keep your dignity in the process. Camming is like stripping because of all the alter-egos you can create, but you're basically alone half the time and the only ones that can see you are the viewers on the internet that pay.

I made great money as a cam girl, I won't lie. There were nights where I would make over $500 (I only worked about 2-3 hours 3 days a week) and on top of that, strangers would send me items from my Amazon wishlist as a token of appreciation. I had it pretty well made, but I also had to keep myself safe in the process, so that's where the alter-egos kicked in. No one really knew who I was, where I was from, etc. I kept it pretty low-pro as much as I could despite how bad I wanted to just be myself.

The reason why I began camming is because I wanted more so the adventure versus the money as odd as that may seem. Sure, I was struggling a little bit because I didn't make a lot of money at my job, but in the end I really loved the attention and I couldn't believe how much money people actually would pay for me to show off my body. I did this off and on for two years and the worst part of the whole experience that I can name to date is the secrecy of it. It's hard hiding something like this from the general public and fearing someone would find out. It's really hard.

Here's how my shows would generally go:

• I would start out by looking nice; full face of makeup and all. 
• The voyeurs would come in and I would chat them up until I would start getting requests.
• I'd get tipped for normal things such as flashing my tits and ass and the rest is just accumulated to the point where I would just get naked.
• I'd have my guests request their favorite songs and I would dance to them, in return gaining more tips. They really loved when I would dance to their songs and special points and tips for remembering their names/identities.
• Lastly, I say my goodbyes and tell everyone I would see them later and then log off and cry.

Yes, I cried every single night that I performed, but never once did my viewers ever see it because I always wanted to keep up with appearances and make them believe I was getting off just as they were. My room was a positive outlet and I wanted to keep the positivity going despite the pervs that would lurk into my room. I had quite a few perverts on the other end and oh my god, the beggars...

If you ever have experienced the cam world, you will notice that the place is filled with beggars, begging you to show your goodies for free. Usually at the expense of a viewer, you would get paid for the things you'd do, but then you had those viewers that would beg and beg. I usually kicked those people out because they were just too much. Trust me, if I was doing this just for the sheer pleasure of getting you getting your jollies, I'd totally give you a show at my expense....but since I made legit money, I required a fee and if you couldn't comply with that, I'd make you leave. That's the biz, yo!

The other main voyeurs that you would come across as a cam girl are the "High Rollers"; people that tip you big time for various, sometimes unknown reasons. These high rollers you end up noticing the most because you want that money and the more attention you give to them, the more you make as a cam girl. These people are the ones that keep what you do thriving. You want these people on your side. Another thing I should mention is that the high rollers not only tip you well, but they also moderate your chat for you as well.

There are various types of people out there, but the only thing that defines them is how they act towards you and most of them are dogs.

I liked and hated my secret life as a cam girl because of all the baggage it piled on me. I knew what to expect when I got into the biz, but I never realized how difficult it would be to carry it all around.

Would I recommend this life to someone? Absolutely not. It's emotionally hard on a person and it puts a lot on you to carry, hide, and protect. If you think that you can't get hurt as a cam girl, you're seriously mistaken. I could've put myself in some serious situations and as someone that tries to live life a little more respectable, it scares me to know what could've been. And so that brings me to how I got out...

When I decided to flee from the cam world, I had just started seeing my now current boyfriend. He knew what I was doing unlike my previous boyfriend and I only told him because I wanted to start a relationship with him with complete trust and honesty. If my boyfriend didn't like me doing this, I was going to stop doing what I was doing and completely devote myself to him and he would be the only one that would see my body as it would be the right thing to do. This was the perfect excuse to get out because I had seriously wanted to around that time. However, he was respecting of it and was very supportive, which made me feel more guilty for doing it.
When I finally quit camming, I had a scary encounter with a private showing. I am not going to get into much detail, but I was basically threatened to the point where I didn't even want to look at computer screen again. This situation brought me to tears and once it blew over (about a week later), I told my boyfriend that I was no longer going to do camming anymore. My body was for him and him only. I explained my scary encounter to him and he completely relieved all of my fears and that was the end of it.

Although I made really good money by camming, you now see why I had malaise feelings about it as well. I commend those that have been working and are still working in this business because it's really hard. I think about the people that do this daily because I want them to be safe. Never should anyone have to do this and never will I give out advice on how to get started and ect....simply because that's not my life anymore and I don't want to relive anymore painful memories that have damaged a lot of my emotions in the process.

I understand what I did is not very "role model-like", but I never claimed to be a role model. I did this because I wanted adventure and I wanted to stimulate my income a little more than what I would get otherwise. I don't plan on going that far again because I believe in the value of saving my money. Before, I was terrible at saving money and I guess I still am, but I am learning and that's all I can say about that.

You have other options in life and should any of those options be "adventurous" much like the ones I've endured, just play it safe and always have a good supportive person by your side while you're doing it. Your life will be safer and you will feel more secured as well.

Have any of you experienced something like this before? Share your story!

Sincerely,
Josie

P.S. This is just part of my series of "Odd Jobs" that you will see more of, so stay tuned!

Prozac Nation

Today I had my appointment that I was so looking forward to for months now. Today is a day of celebration and relief. I am super excited that my journey has finally begun and I can now relax and know that the proper help I need is accessible to me.

My psychiatrist and I talked a lot about my life and going back into the past made me cringe a little. I can't believe that it was so long ago when I was just a lonely teenager struggling with this problem and had attempted a few suicides. I've realized now that this person no longer exists and moving on is the only way that I will be free from it.
Today I was prescribed 20 mg of Prozac. I feel silly and a little crazy knowing that I now take Prozac. Apparently it will be good for me and I cannot wait to see what it does for me. I still feel odd about it though. I have decided to start my first run with Prozac in the morning.

I now have to take counseling as well. I have the same counselor that I first went to after my last suicide attempt at age 19. It will be nice to see her again and hopefully she will be able to remember and see what a difference a few years has done for me. I really cannot wait to see her.

I am off to a great start and for the first time, I do not feel anything. I do not feel any weird emotions waiting to burst out of my system and for once I feel...free. I am elated.
I cannot expect this drug to make me better instantly, I have to wait 2-4 weeks until any results begin to show. I am a pretty impatient person, but I am willing to be patient for this.

As well as everyone else knows, everything in life is a progress. I know things will change when the time is right and even though I feel great right now, I still have a long way to go. Until the time comes when I actually feel full control of myself, I will document everything so that it can be added into my novel: "Half of Something Else". Speaking of that, I mentioned this to my psychiatrist today and she likes my idea of it. I was so excited to explain it to her as well as having a full attention for once.

Please don't be afraid to comment your thoughts on these kinds of posts as there will be more. I am more than happy to reach out to anybody struggling or if someone just has a thought or question. Like you, I know sometimes I would like to be given advice every now and then.

Sincerely,
Josie

Tomorrow.

Before I lay my head down to rest for the night, I just wanted to come on here and express how incredibly nervous I am about my meeting tomorrow with the psychiatrist.
I'm not nervous because I am expecting the worse, I'm nervous because I want it to go well and I'm afraid that this might be what I won't expect. This could go one of two ways, really.
A) It could go really well and what I won't expect is a huge amount of relief and the proper care needed to suit my level of anxiety.
or B) It won't be what I expect because it won't all happen right away, which is what I really want.

I know this is all a progress and I know that not everything can happen in one day. I am a very impatient person and I worry that all of this work is going to be nothing but a bunch or words; advice I have already read about in books. I'm worried that it will only become the situation: "It's not like it's something I haven't seen/heard before". Get my drift?

I can hardly sleep. I didn't sleep at all last night because I look forward to this so much. To have some weight lifted off my shoulders would be the indescribable. To have days where I would put everything behind me and not think the worse would be tremendous! I could cry tears of joy at the thought because every day has a been a heartbreak. I've struggled for so long and the only thing I desire is that one brief moment of release and peace of mind.

You have no idea how much all of this would mean to me. I cry every single day because I constantly fight this enemy inside of myself which I have dedicated to calling: "Half of something else".  I constantly battle with being happy and sad. My switch is always being flipped and I just want to remain neutral with myself. I want my loved ones to see my brighter side. This enemy that haunts me on a daily basis is not who I am meant to be, but because I fear of my actions and the reaction of others is what really halts it all.

So tell me, am I wrong for being worried? Does it make me a bad person because I know what's wrong with me and I don't know how to help myself? I shouldn't be ashamed, but yet I am. This is really hard for me. All I want is something.

I really am trying to focus on the better part of this experience and that is getting the help I need and deserve. I don't want to deal with the conflict negativity brings. I want to start over and I want to feel it. This is my moment and I know that just as much as everyone else out there, their moment is coming as well....this is just the beginning. If I have to fight myself, I will make sure that this journey starts out with great positivity. There is a light somewhere at the end of this tunnel. I don't just want to see that light, I want to walk out of that tunnel and feel the essence of the real (happier) world.

Tell me, what would be your biggest relief after dealing with a battle within yourself?

Sincerely,
Josie

Review: Dr. Scholl's For Her High Heel Insoles

I have really huge feet and I don't know what it is with these girls with small tootsies, wearing high heels like it's their primary shoe...well, I am a girl with size 11 feet and let me tell ya, I wear heels for more than an hour and a half and I'm screaming!
Luckily there's many methods out there that help women who have problems with wearing heels due to discomfort. There's insoles, blister pads, blister balm, etc...there's so many, but 9 times out of 10 it's usually a fail. I like to think that because of the arch of my foot and the balls of my feet, I put a lot of pressure on those main areas so therefore it creates discomfort for me when I try to wear heels (especially if I haven't broken them in).

In my Sun Kissed Influenster box, I was lucky enough to try out a new product from Dr. Scholl's line of inserts for women and these ones were specifically for high heels! I was very excited about this because the thickness of the insole; how cushiony it is and everything, I was optimistic that these could possibly work out!
When I wear high heels (or should I say buy),  I don't mess around. I like to buy the platform or the stiletto types and those are definitely not as comfortable as they sound. I have to have them though because I am a massive shoe hoarder! Ha! So to get these insole specifically for these types of heels, I definitely put them in one of my favorite pairs and gave it a test run.

(These are the babies I decided to test the soles on..cute, right?)

The first 30 mins:

My feet feel really nice, like their comforted by a gel pillow and I don't feel any major discomfort in my arch or on the balls of my feet. I love how there's pads specifically located for those areas and the squishy sensation makes it easier to walk. I think this may be the solution for my high heel woes!

Hour 1:

My arch and balls of my feet are still feeling supported, but the heel is starting to become tender...maybe this is a sign that my feet are getting used to it? I have no clue. I'm still able to walk around normally, but I am also noticing that my feet are getting a little sweaty and maybe that has something to do with me being a naturally warm person...Nonetheless, this is pretty awesome!

Hour 2:

Now I am starting to get really irritated with my heel, it's starting to become unbearable because there's so much pressure being pressed upon it...Maybe I use more heel pressure than I do with the arch and balls of my feet, hm... I am starting to get a blister on my achilles and that is due to the shoe rubbing on it. I'll have to get a separate insole for that and possibly an extra support for my heel.

All in all, I really love this insole, but I feel that it's not meant for me when I am wearing stilettos or platforms; possibly a better fit for shorter heels less than 6 inches. I definitely like how cushiony it is and how I can still move with ease and not feel like my shoe is being massively stuffed. There's still a lot of comfort in the heel, but like I said, I don't think it's meant for 6 inch heels. The blister part was totally all shoe and they do make gel inserts for that part of the shoe....I just wish the there was more support for the heel...if the heel pad on the insole wasn't so firm, it would make a hell of a difference...think pillowy clouds! Yes....

I am really grateful that I had a chance to try this product out. I can never be down when I have an insole to put in my shoes; they're amazing for foot support, especially if you're on your toes all day and I'm talking about just inserts in general.

Maybe once I break in the heels, it might make a difference and then I will give it more of a go.

Do you have any great foot comfort tips to help make wearing heels with ease? Share with me please!

Sincerely,

Josie

Half Of Something Else: a Prelude to Anxiety

Anxiety is a terrible thing to go through. I have been struggling with it well over 15 years. That's a long time considering that I've been struggling with anxiety since I was about 8 years old, which in my eyes is something 8 year olds shouldn't have to deal with. But that's my reality.
I remember the first time I discovered a panic attack; the worst feeling ever. I couldn't breathe, I could barely sleep, and worst of all...I strayed away from people so much because I was worried constantly how I would act and how others would react towards my behavior and I.

Anxiety is broken up into many categories, the only thing that sets apart each stem of anxiety is the severity of it. Another point I should mention is how it correlates with depression. See, for the longest time, I thought I had depression. Sure, I was always depressed and I stayed away from reality like it was the plague...call it "emo" if you will, but I found it to be the only disorder I could connect with until recent realization.
Depression and anxiety go hand in hand if you think about it; you get so worked up until it completely numbs you into complete nothingness. All these worries of the world and other thoughts lingering inside your head can really bring you down, which is why a lot of people mistake anxiety for depression. Now that I look back on it, I don't get how that can be overlooked. This is why I am sharing my story.

This coming weds, I am going in to talk to a psychiatrist about my anxiety. For the past 15 years of dealing with it, I believe it's time I actually do something so I don't have to be this other person; half of something else. My behavior has been completely out of control. I haven't been myself lately and many people whom I'm close to are starting to notice...and so I start to panic.

Getting help doesn't mean I am weak and it doesn't mean I am psycho; I just need help to control something I can't do alone. Everyone should realize this and not be afraid to focus on that direction and that is getting better. I had spent at least 8 out of my 15 year battle debating over medication. I have tried herbal remedies which have only been found to be a placebo. In actuality, a lot of our psychological problems can be fixed by the whole "placebo-effect", yet sometimes that isn't enough which is my case. Turning towards "professional medication" route seems idealistic for my case. Just because I am telling an experience from my case doesn't mean it's going to have the same outcome for you. The most important thing to do is get evaluated by a professional. This is the only way you will know for certain.

No one should ever have to experience worry, doubt, fear, etc. Anxiety is a bitch and it can be dealt with easier. Open all options and consider what is best for you. I wish you all whom are struggling the greatest of chances finding hope,

How do you deal with depression/anxiety and what are some of your favorite self-help books that have eased some of the edge? I personally love to read self-help books, so I am asking you!

sincerely,
Josie

P.S. This is just a short introduction to my belief on my condition. I am writing a book called "Half of something else" which I hope to release sometime next spring.

Battle of the Bug.

There's been something going around work...some kind of virus and I was fortunate enough to catch it. I've been bed-ridden for the past two days, missing work, and deal with a high temp while the outside temp has been hot as well.

I feel stupid terrible about the missing work part...ugh, you have no idea. Unlike some people out there, I actually care about my job. Sure, some days I may not like it...in the end, it's a job and it helps pay for my expenses. 

Today was a lot better than yesterday. I don't have as high of a fever, my head is slowly easing away from a headache, and thankfully, my stomach isn't in a huge knot. I think things are looking up and yes, I am going to work tomorrow.

I am so thankful for my boyfriend for checking on me as well as my mother. I am thankful that this virus didn't turn into anything serious. Most of all...I am thankful that I can eat something without the urge of throwing it up. Life is definitely a lot better.

Dealing with a sickness is tough. I wish I didn't get sick. I wish I could have erased yesterday and stuck it out, but it would have ended badly either way. However, tomorrow is another day and I will make it brand new.

How do you deal with an illness?

Sincerely,

Josie

Missing my other half.

Usually I refrain from being too mushy, but right now I am really missing my cuddling partner, my love; boyfriend. 

Being away from him is hard and we see each other every other week, which is great and I love that we have days together. I just don't like the days as much when we are apart...

When you're in a relationship, it's important to have distance. Too much interaction physically can become straining and I know this first hand from previous relationships. I have to say though, this is the best relationship I've had ever and I love how sweet everything is and how much fun we have together. For now I just focus on the things I love about him and the things we do together to keep me through the week until we can see each other. 

It's important to remember to focus on the happiest moments in a relationship, especially with long distance ones. If you keep thinking about the sad parts like when you say goodbye at the end of a phone call or when you leave until the next time you see them, it will only make things harder. Think happy.

When you're in love, it should always be happy and beautiful. Hopefully this inspires you to think a little differently when you're apart from your loved one.

Sincerely,

Josie

Marilyn Manson and the Bible.

Well, this past tuesday, I went to a Marilyn Manson concert. Let me tell ya, this is not the first time I have experienced one of his shows and if you've ever seen Manson, then you know exactly what goes down.

To mention the obvious matter, it was one hell of a crazy show! I think last year didn't even compare to this year. Manson always impresses me and surprisingly he didn't do the same ole thing as last year (minus a few rituals which he does at every show).

Marilyn Manson is one of those people that you either like or hate. I personally like him and what he represents, though I know that can be taken ass backwards. Usually Manson has a lot of haters and many groups are dedicated to bringing him down and his message. I say he speaks loud volumes and cares a lot for the general public, but some people are so blinded by his persona that they completely disregard his message. AND that is what I really hate about some people.

Everyone (at least I would hope) knows who Marilyn Manson is. No one can be completely unaware of him. Chances are, if you follow a huge religious group then you're probably preached about how he "praises Satan" and does "human sacrifices" at his shows...oh and the whole ordeal about having rib removal surgery to suck his own dick; all of which are completely flawed facts. Manson may have some infatuation with religion; the devil included, but he doesn't push it upon anyone to look away from the matter and he certainly doesn't do sacrificial rituals, otherwise it would be top news as he is a very notorious figure.

If you want to get to know Manson on a more personal level, I encourage you to read his novel: "The Long Hard Road Out Of Hell". This is an amazing read whether you'll believe what he says or not. This guy had one hell of a twisted life and he isn't discreet at all about it. Manson laid out an official list of myths that he is best known for and even I was surprised by half of the things stated. His novel really goes to show how small minded people can be.

(buy it here or if you're that cheap, rent it from your local library)

Now the concert was phenomenal and as I have stated and always will, he never disappoints. Sure, he comes out with knives and pretends to threaten to stab, but fear not, he really doesn't harm anyone. Basically, a lot of his shock is purely for performance reasons and it goes along with whatever song he's going to sing. By the way...his costumes are wonderful. You can tell Manson really puts a lot of thought into what he does. Okay, so if you've ever heard the rumor about Manson ripping up bibles at his shows; that is actually a fact. If you go to any Manson concert, he starts out the song "Anti-Christ Superstar" (or at least that's the song he sang for the bible ripping) where he stands at a podium and then he takes out a bible, pages through it, and then rips it and throws it into the crowd. These bibles are a once in a lifetime chance to catch when he throws them out and he only throws one. I am ecstatic to announce that I caught the one he threw out at Tuesday's show.

Before you go all crazy on me and ask: "Well, why would you want to own something like that? You're gonna go to hell for it!" I am a Manson fan and I don't have any religious belief. I grew up in a home of faith, but I was fortunate enough to be raised without it shoved down my throat. To state an important value, since I don't have that belief in my life, I find no harm in owning memorabilia that has been semi-mutilated. Sure, it's a religious form of figure, but to me it's just a book that has no purpose in my life other than it being nostalgia later on in life. It's a piece of memory that I will hold onto dearly.

And here is my best friend Tearran and I with the bible that Manson threw.

How I got the bible in my possession is a story of its own. It was near the very end of the show and everyone thought that he was done, by this time I was heading out of the pit. I was covered in confetti like I had just been raped by Martha Stewart's craft closet and then out of nowhere the podium shows and he starts out Anti-Christ Superstar. I decided to stay back where I was since I figured this was just an encore. There was a couple behind me, drunk and shouting something so I turned to look and then I get smacked in the head. "What the fuck was that?" I said to myself and then I look down....there was the bible! I snatched it up and held it my shaking hands; I couldn't believe it! This is a once in a lifetime chance to catch one of Manson's shredded bibles! This was a beautiful moment which I couldn't wait to share with Tearran. Needless to say, we were both extremely ecstatic! I had people coming up to me asking to touch it with a bribe of $20-40! I had pictures taken and jealous looks. I felt good. I couldn't believe that no one tried to tear it away from me...however, I did get some offers for me to give it away, but I just couldn't part with it.

And So that is the story of my Marilyn Manson experience and how I caught one of his bibles. I won't ever forget that night and I hope some of you will be open-minded enough to experience it for yourself. All I can say that at a Manson concert, you will get to know people really fast...lol. I would mention the opening act for Manson, but I don't even remember the name. To be fair, I wasn't all into them as I was there to see Manson. The opening band wasn't really impressive at all and the chick singer threw me off too much. Not much to mention to say the least.

Have you ever been to a Marilyn Manson show? Share your experience!

Sincerely,
Josie

Geekin' out.

This is the start to my week. I am with my boyfriend and we are playing "Relic" for the first time together since he bought the game. I kinda kick ass at this game right now, but only because I have a pretty badass character. Will I defeat my boyfriend and our 2 other friends at this game?

To be continued...

Sincerely,

Josie

Horror Review: "A Serbian Film"

I was instructed not to watch this movie by my best friend and fellow horror lover. As a curious being, I needed to see it just to fuel said curiosity.
I wish I never watched the damn thing. Christ!

If there's one thing I despise the most in this world it's rape. From my own personal self-conviction, that's the most degrading and dehumanizing thing that could ever happen to a human being big or small. Rape to me is not horror. And I digress...

More about the film:

(The trailer)

A Serbian Film (directed by: Srdjan Spasojevic) is about a semi-retired porn star who agrees to participate in an "art film" in order to disconnect from his "career". Sounds like any ordinary standard horror flick, right? Wrong. It only spirals down from there and it surely isn't light on the content.

First of all, it's rated NC-17 which to me would seem good in the quality of gore as it is something I look for when I am seeking a horror flick to watch. Second, it's a foreign film and just about every other foreign horror flick I've ever seen is twisted and heavy content is to be expected. This is hardly the case, in fact, it's much more than that...basically it's more so a snuff film.

Anyway, this semi-retired porn star Milos delves into rape, pedophillia, and (dare I say) necrophilia. Though this guy thought that he was just making some project, he discovers it's so much more than that and as I have stated, he finds himself involved with making a "Snuff" film. So in conclusion, the guy's contract binds him into this film which he finds there's no way he can back out of it and he and his family are fucked (both literally and metaphorically).

My thoughts:

Before I completely shut down this film (which was intended), I would like to state a few things. 

First, as a person who has done sexual things (I was a cam girl at one time) in front of the general public, I understand where some of the content comes from. Although I've never personally done/participated in "snuff" filmography, there are people out there that do this. As well as the content in the film (rape, child abuse, etc), people do that as well in real life.

Second, I will give the film credit for the fact that it is exceptionally well made and I say this with a huge lump in my throat. Horror is hard to do well or mainly the business is hard competition. If you want to engage your audience in sheer shock, then you have to make something that is going to do just that. Even though the content is not necessarily real and just made for the sake of filmmaking... it was highly convincing that this actually happened and I commend the filmmakers for making that come to life, but that's just about all I am going to give it. 

This is hardly shock value...no, Marilyn Manson is considered shock....this is something else...

I don't do well with films that insist Child Abuse, rape, or anything of the matter is acceptable. I will never watch this film again nor do I recommend that anyone should. If you are as curious as I was, you probably will watch it...but don't say I didn't warn you.

This movie is banned in some countries, people....and I can see now why it is! I had to stop this movie a couple times just to gain strength to continue watching it. As a victim of sexual abuse, I cannot stress of how terrifying it is and the horrifying flashbacks it ensued. 

If you've seen this film, you know exactly what I mean. It's not light at all like most horror is nowadays. So tell me, how does that make you feel?

Sincerely,

Josie

Review: LMN's "Anna Nicole" Movie Premiere!

So judging by the title, you can pretty much guess what my Saturday night consisted of. You guess it, the Lifetime premiere of "Anna Nicole".

Say what you want about Anna Nicole Smith. Personally, I am a huge fan of hers and was distraught by her death and I remember the day she died just as if it were yesterday. My family and I were stuck at the airport because of a delayed flight to Las Vegas. It was a family trip and her death was all over news. I was 16 years old and I was so depressed that one of my favorite icons was dead and gone.

I didn't look up to Anna Nicole as a role model in the sense that I wanted to be just like her. Anna Nicole was more so an idol in the sense of fashion and glamour the same as I looked up to Marilyn Monroe (and in fact I am obsessed with Miss Monroe). In a sense, Anna Nicole was like a modern day Marilyn Monroe if you really look at it. The way I look at Marilyn Monroe is the way I see Anna Nicole Smith...they were both very self-destructive icons that will never be remembered for more than their looks and their hunger for fame....and I guess drugs too. More so, I like to see them one in the same because of their similar backgrounds as well as their personas.

To say the very least, I remember both Anna Nicole and Marilyn Monroe for the way they transformed themselves and their projects that left behind their legacy.

Now onto the film review...

I was so excited for LMN's depiction of Anna Nicole's life. I had researched a lot about her throughout the years so I already pretty much knew what to expect when I watched the film. When reviews started popping up about what this movie was going to be like, I grew more excited.

Instead of focusing on Anna Nicole's projects that shot her to fame, this film more so exposed her background and how she came about to being Anna Nicole Smith. I had read multiple fan pages and news articles that had given some background to her life as well as some documentaries I've watched, but to see it all portrayed in front of a live audience (many whom are huge fans such as myself) is so much more.

I enjoyed this film thoroughly and I caught myself in tears during some very dramatic scenes during the film. It's hard to fathom going through a life such as hers, but it does put a lot into perspective...especially what the cost of fame does to you. Infact, look at all the of the celebrities today whom are struggling with much of the same disorders that she went through.

The actress portraying Anna Nicole Smith (Agnes Bruckner) did a fabulous job and I could hardly tell the difference between her and the real Anna Nicole. Hours before the movie started, I found an article online where the actress talked about her transformation into Anna Nicole. Agnes Bruckner went through hours of prosthetics just to emulate Anna Nicole's body. However, the real transformation was more so getting into the mind of Anna Nicole, which I can imagine would be the hardest part of the role.

Some of the scenes in the film seemed a little far fetch in some aspects. I am not going to give away any details from it, but there's some pretty personal scenes that depicted some actions between Anna Nicole and her son Danny (Graham Patrick Martin) which could be seen as misleading to the audience. This raises the question: "How do they really know this is how it happened"? However, many could guess through reports from Miss Anna Nicole herself, she may have exposed some her son's behavior.

The last thing that I will say about the film is that it's definitely worth the watch whether you are a fan or not. Whether you believe the story behind her life and success, you won't be disappointed. The actors in the film made it very convincing and it's not overly dramatic. So grab some popcorn and feast your eyes on it for yourself.

How do you feel about Anna Nicole Smith's story?

I know some of you may feel that this might be a little biased considering the fact that I idolized her, but however you look at it...she was still a person with a very larger than life story.

Sincerely,

Josie

Families and Finances...

This week I am excited for numerous amount of things...and I will get to that in a moment once I open this discussion with something else on my mind..

First: I had this deep inner realization that being responsible with money (financially independent if you will) IS SUPER HARD! I realize that I am an idiot with the way I handle money and the more I save though I want to compulsively shop my ass off, I find myself acting like a crack head going through withdrawal every time I browse a website. I am in a debtors Anonymous group though I really don't have any debt. I pay my bills on time every month and mostly before it's even due. You would think that for someone who is responsible with paying bills would be super smart about saving money, right? Yeah...no..
I had to use my bank's "Checking Advance", which is basically like a loan except it comes right out of your checking when you get money deposited...or ya know, if you decide to pay it back before its due date some other way...yeah, I am terrible at explaining things....

Well in conclusion, I am so bad with money that I had to get one of those and now my check on payday will be smaller because dumbass me had to spend money and use a Checking advance to have money so I can survive. I wish I had more money....but I guess that's why we work. However, this puts everything behind because I want to move out in the fall (Oct-Nov-ish), but I don't see that working out with the way my money management is. I want to save at least 3 grand before I venture. Can I do it? I don't know, but I certainly hope.

NOW....onto things I am excited for:

• I get to see the love of my life Monday and I could not be any more excited.
• I am going to see Marilyn Manson on tuesday
• A good friend of mine is coming up and I cannot wait to catch up and reminisce about the good ole days.

And now something I am not excited for:

• My five year class reunion. 

Why the hell do I want to see people that never gave a shit about me back then? It's not like I have to justify how I am doing in life. Sure, I live with my mom...maybe not the most glamorous thing in  life, but times are tough and I am in no position to argue a free stay. Besides, I don't completely freeload my mother; I pay my own way plus some of her bills. I am functional.

I want to let everyone know that living with your mom in your twenties is nothing to be ashamed of. Like I stated; times are tough. Money is really tight on my end and maybe it's the same for you as well, but don't consider living with parental units a shameful thing...consider them a roommate if it helps. Now, living with parents in your 30's-40's (unless you're like one of those foreign families that all live together) then that's a different story and then I feel personally that you should start thinking about your life a little more. This does not count for those foreign families and/or if you live to take care of your parents because of financial/medical reasons.

Anyway....I am planning a move...I need to save more money...would like to make more money....yeah there's nothing else I can say...
if y'all have any awesome tips to boost my financial situation, please send 'em my way!

 Even though I'm broke, my spirits are not.

Sincerely,
Josie

A fresh start...

Well, I really don't know what to say that could already be said by the title. This is a fresh start. I thank many of you (or few) that have followed me or perhaps patiently waited for me to post. My apologies that it took so long. Let me explain...

I've realized that much like every person out there, I have a very ADD mind and with that, I like to switch things up every now and then. We are human and it happens. Things change in life and every now and again we like to transform, reinvent ourselves if you will. This would be my case in point.
When I started this blog, I was thoroughly convinced that I wanted to talk about fashion and how to save money and how to do this and how to do that...you get my point. However, I am not very passionate about just one particular thing. I like to talk about multiple things and I want you to see through that. From now on, it's going to be different.

Here's the thing...I don't want to be like every other blog out there. I don't want to show pictures of my kids (not that I have any) and I don't want to give you the ole ho hum about this awesome fashion craze out there. That's not me and I want you to come to this page and feel that. I want this to be a place where I can express whatever I come across...things that inspire me and hopefully inspire you one day. I want to talk about my friends and I want to talk about horror movies (as it is my favorite genre ever). I may bitch and I may moan and yes, I swear...but I am human and I will have that translate.

Let this be a place where we all can participate and become one. This is not just about me...this is about us.

Lets make this happen and lets make it legendary.

I look forward to seeing where this goes and this time I promise to stick around.

Sincerely, Josie.