Today I had my appointment that I was so looking forward to for months now. Today is a day of celebration and relief. I am super excited that my journey has finally begun and I can now relax and know that the proper help I need is accessible to me.
My psychiatrist and I talked a lot about my life and going back into the past made me cringe a little. I can't believe that it was so long ago when I was just a lonely teenager struggling with this problem and had attempted a few suicides. I've realized now that this person no longer exists and moving on is the only way that I will be free from it.
Today I was prescribed 20 mg of Prozac. I feel silly and a little crazy knowing that I now take Prozac. Apparently it will be good for me and I cannot wait to see what it does for me. I still feel odd about it though. I have decided to start my first run with Prozac in the morning.
I now have to take counseling as well. I have the same counselor that I first went to after my last suicide attempt at age 19. It will be nice to see her again and hopefully she will be able to remember and see what a difference a few years has done for me. I really cannot wait to see her.
I am off to a great start and for the first time, I do not feel anything. I do not feel any weird emotions waiting to burst out of my system and for once I feel...free. I am elated.
I cannot expect this drug to make me better instantly, I have to wait 2-4 weeks until any results begin to show. I am a pretty impatient person, but I am willing to be patient for this.
As well as everyone else knows, everything in life is a progress. I know things will change when the time is right and even though I feel great right now, I still have a long way to go. Until the time comes when I actually feel full control of myself, I will document everything so that it can be added into my novel: "Half of Something Else". Speaking of that, I mentioned this to my psychiatrist today and she likes my idea of it. I was so excited to explain it to her as well as having a full attention for once.
Please don't be afraid to comment your thoughts on these kinds of posts as there will be more. I am more than happy to reach out to anybody struggling or if someone just has a thought or question. Like you, I know sometimes I would like to be given advice every now and then.
Sincerely,
Josie
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