News that really shouldn't be news.

I really don't like talking about things like these but does anyone else in this world notice how unhappy Kim Kardashian looks lately or shall I say since she married Kanye West? Yeah, I sincerely don't care about her, him, or that whole trash family since that's all the world talks about. How irrelevant they are to society.

Can someone please alert the media that every time a celebrity takes a shit that it doesn't have to be on the news!? I mean come on! I take shits all the time and no one cares about that, but yet if Kim Kardashian does, it's a fuckin phenomenon and suddenly shitting is no longer taboo. And I digress.

I'm certain what I have to say in the world isn't relevant either, but I still voice my opinion because I'm sure someone out there finds it better than what the news puts out. It's like a shit factory on tv and yet no one seems to care.

I'm pretty sure someone fighting for our freedom just died today and yet everyone is making a huge fuss over Kim and Kanyes's wedding photo that apparently took four days to edit themselves on their honeymoon....their fucking HONEYMOON!!! Really!? A stupid fucking photo of your wedding wasn't perfect enough that you had to spend four days to make it "perfect"!? You obviously have more problems than just that.

I hate celebrities, well some... I used to admire them for inspiration until it beve a thing to put them all over the damn media in place of more important issues in this world! When I'm watching the news, I don't fucking care how awful Lindsay Lohan or some other useless piece of trash looked, I want to know if te weather is going to be nice or not! I just want to know!!

This world is too obsessed and it needs to stop! This world is obsessed with celebrities and social media! And I thought it was getting bad when everyone was hooked to MySpace like it was goddamn lifesupport! I'm guilty of falling into that...

People need to step outside of the god damn internet and interact with people like we used to. When I'm with a person and they are on their fucking phone the whole time, it drives me crazy! How disrespectful for one, but secondly, when I'm hangin out with someone, I didn't come to hang out with them just so we can play with our phones. But that's technology for ya. I loved it more when having a flip phone was good enough. A flip phone was purposefully for texting and phone calls...some you could download stuff and surf the net, but no one really did that...the only time a person looked at their phone was when they had a text and answering a text was usually no longer than 10-15 seconds... Maybe a minute if it was super detailed, but that's it!

My point I'm trying to reach in this is that there are more important things in life other than the media, kimye, Facebook, an technology altogether. We should be worried about our jobs, families, anything...but instead we cower behind the damn computer or phone because it's all we know.

I'm still team flip phone.

Sincerely,

Josie

My night summed up.

I love my boyfriend.

I love the world we've created with each other.

I love this universe that attaches us.

I love his love. 

I am complete. 

Progress.

I had every intention of coming on here today and sharing a DIY that I've been planning all week and then I realized something else...I have been stuck in my own world on all these positive things I've been encountering and it's been making me super happy so I decided to put it off for another day.

Consider this as a positive negative...lol.

Anyway, as you all have been following, I've been yearning for a way to make my life better and mostly in an emotional sense. I've dealt with anxiety so long that I've been so unraveled. It's hard getting yourself out of a hole that is essentially becoming a grave.

Today, I've made some positive changes starting with the way I look at things and it feel so wonderful! Normally I get anxious in public places, no matter te circumstance. I instantly become shaky and then I mentally put myself down. Today as I was browsing through a store, I began to think about things differently. I focused on the things I was after and how happy of an impact it's going to make later on. I looked at a shirt and complimented myself for the first in a long time. I was genuinely happy! I wasn't shaking out of nervousness and I talked backed to myself civilly. This was the most life changing experience to date and began to see how easy it will be to continue.

Another progress I've been making is my credit card debt that I've been struggling with for a while. I don't openly speak about this because really, who would? No one should be proud of their debt...at least not until you get out of it. I never thought about how hard it would be to get out of credit card debt until I got myself into it and now little by little, I'm starting to get out. It's a liberating feeling amongst many.

So you see, I have legit reasons why I put off something I said I would do and I hope it doesn't sound like another excuse, but truly, this is why I spaced out on it. I am naturally a space cadet either way, but today was something really positive that deserved to take the spotlight.

What is something positive that you encountered lately?

Sincerely, 

Josie 

We are who we are.

Has anyone else binged on season 2 of Orange is the New Black? I have and I'm now dealing with the agony of wondering about season 3. I really am going to be lost until then...

This past week I went to see Wayne Static perform all of "Wisconsin Death Trip" and it was amazing just as the first time I heard it many years back. This week endured many ups and downs but I still remain on top and in control of my feelings and finding better ways to control my anxiety or hopefully it works.

You all may or may not know that I've been dealing with anxiety and that I've been taking prescription Prozac to help with it, but recently I've decided to not take it any longer and it's been a motherfuckin nightmare since and I sincerely feel awful for the way I've been feeling and acting out on it. I had a bad attack while I was at the Wayne static show and my boyfriend got the blunt end of it and it pains me because it wasn't his fault. I've turned around since then and he's been such a wonderful soul for helping me deal with this. We are getting somewhere.

I just want everyone to know that I'll be okay and that I've tried the best I could to try out medication, but it just wasn't wooing me the way I wanted to and the feeling I had really fucked with me so I had to stop. Anyone who's been through this will understand. It's hard and fucked up, but there's always a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere. Maybe I'll make it out of the tunnel one day, but for now I'm just working out the navigation. 

Hopefully everyone has a good rest of the  week because I'll have more to come and a small DIY to share. Weds will be the day for that! Until then, hold on.

Sincerely,

Josie

Life and Death.

Life is a really complicated place. I don't know how else to stress it. These past couple days have really brought out a lot of emotion inside of me to really dwell on all the things in life that make it wonderful and the things in life that make it what it is. One of the greatest things about life that I completely enjoy is the people that are placed in it and how they have shaped some part of it. And this is where it begins...

On Tuesday a very special woman to me passed away. My dear aunt Shirley whom I have grown to love with so much in me left myself and many others with a great deal of sadness in our hearts. Along with the sadness, words cannot even convey how much joy Shirley has placed in our hearts as well and in which is mainly why many of us are deeply saddened.

Life is a piece of work, but death is a motherfucker. I wish just as much as others that death did not exist and that we could live forever...but it simply cannot be done and we find ways in life to cope with our losses and find ways and signs of life to continue on. This is probably the hardest realization and also the only thing that helps us in the end.

I never thought I could ever hurt so much in my entire life. That feeling of something missing weighing our hearts is so intense that you feel as if yourself is the one dying. Instead, we live.

I used to be terrified of death. I would lie awake in the night and fear of where I would end up if somehow I died. I would (back when I had belief) pray to god and ask for safety and I would clutch onto my chest and cry because I could not fathom not being able to breathe. As you grow older you become less fearful and your question of the unknown lessens. Today I still wonder, but not until I run out of breath.

We've all been to that place in life where we would like to disappear and never be in existence. This is the most selfish feeling in the world, but you're a fucking liar if you've claimed to never felt this way. I've contemplated this many times and still do from time to time because once upon a time we've all been told that there's a "better place" amongst us and we eventually go there when time ends. Sounds almost like a dream, right? 

I don't want you all to read this and think I'm being a downer because that's not at all what this is about, in fact, there's a silver lining. Life is too short and many take for granted what others lived and breathed appreciatively. People get shunned for beaming positivity. Others get treated like shit for being true to who they are and mostly for the way they respresent it. I fucking hate how people can be so cruel and make others feel so inferior. It's like what I've stated in my last post and if you refer that to this, you'll realize exactly how important life is and how it matters to be a better you each and every day.

I don't preach "stop giving a shit" for nothing...and this is exactly why it should be applied now. Do you want to live lfe with regrets just because someone was insecure that you could change the world? I didn't think so. Be kind and love more. Stop pushing people away, especially those that matter the most! What are your last thoughts and feelings going to be of this person once they pass  or rather how would they feel about you?

If I could create a foundation for a better tomorrow, my platform would be appreciation. People expect so much in a world where only little can be given. Appreciate the damn little things in life because sometimes that's all that can be given and at most becomes the biggest impact in your life and in others. When you only have so much to give, don't advertise it as just something small, make it become like an investment where it can become huge over time. 

In conclusion, I've learned through aunt Shirley's passing that the most important things in life are usually the smallest gifts. I grew up with loving parents that may not had the world to give me, but they gave me a small portion of what they could that trend into bigger and better things in life. Those gifts were: loyalty, appreciation, honesty, and kindness. To this day I've learned to utilize this so that others can learn by example just how big of an impact it can make.

Life is wonderful if you utilize your experience correctly and there's never a late start in shaping it better. Go ahead and make your mistakes, but learn from it. Treat others how you'd want to be treated. Someone out there is fighting a battle as well. Make their fight less extreme. Pay it forward.

Sincerely,

Josie

Promiscuity and the Beast.

Before I lay my head to rest for the night, I thought about a lot of things in my life that I am proud of and then some that I am not so proud of. For example, I have gained a lot of attention in my life from the things I have done and talking about it. SD dating for one is something I have strongly gained a lot of attention from. Did you know: I was asked my a rep from The Wendy Williams Show to be interviewed for a segment on SD dating? Fact! When I realized that at that point in time, I freaked out. I wasn't afraid because of what my family would think and how others would look at me because I already know...the real deal is that I was shocked that someone wanted to hear my voice on the topic even long after I had uploaded my video to YouTube! I still can't believe it.

I ended up shooting down the Wendy Williams project because I don't think that kind of exposure is healthy for the lifestyle I am leading nowadays. Sure, I advertise on here and my YT about how exciting SD dating was and I have posted on here how you can have really thrilling odd jobs, but at the end of the day, I don't want it to be mistaken for something it was never meant to be.

The internet is so large that in a matter of milliseconds the whole world can hear your thoughts. It's really terrifying if you really think about it. I am certain that somewhere on this internet, my naked body has surfaced somewhere for the eyes of someone to look at. I knew from the beginning that by putting myself out there that way would eventually lead to some form of consequence, whatever that may be. I know deep down inside I am disappointing someone and I am exciting someone at the same time....from something that happened well over 2 years ago.

I want you all to trust me; not just by my words, but in your heart when I say to do the things that make you happy. The reason I started this blog was to share my experiences with the world and to inspire people and to make someone else feel great about themselves. At the end of the say, happiness will always be the greatest reward one can make, but make sure that happiness is based upon something great and not deceitful or out of spite.

I have been labeled many things throughout my life and I suppose I deserved it from the way I brought it out. I brought it upon myself. I don't regret anything I've experienced (well, some things..) because at the end of the day or at some point, it was exactly what you wanted.

The moral of the story is to do what you want, but take risks and precautions. I try to stress this when I make certain posts. I would never want to see or hear anyone get themselves in a great deal of danger. Hopefully I come across clear enough for you to get it.

That is all and I am ready for bed! Photoshoot tomorrow and I am so excited!

Sincerely,
Josie

The Pin Up life and self love.

I am just going to disclose right here and now that I don't like when models put out there what a certain type of modeling really is (I.E. runway, lingerie, etc.), in other words, basically being a huge asshole about it in the process. Established or unestablished (ahem, making your way, I mean.) you do what you love with much conviction and you are passionate about it. To me this is what I like to call "Art".
Many of you may or may not know, but I do modeling. I specialize in "pin up" modeling, but lately I have been doing a lot of boudoir type modeling (which could be pin up, I guess) and it's been real exciting. On the 1st I have another shoot; for nothing special but my portfolio...anyway, this is why I have not been responsive for a while.

You all have been so accepting to my ambitions and some have even inspired me to do what I enjoy and isn't that what everyone should be doing? Regardless, I am happy to be writing to you all to let you know that I am alive and well. My life hasn't changed, but I feel happy.

Modeling has been a lot of fun and a passion of mine for a very long time. I've been researching for a couple years now on how I can really get out there. I am not looking for fame or fortune, but to become an inspiration to those who have body image issues such as I. Now, I know what you're thinking: "How could you possibly ever consider modeling if you are so insecure?" Well, back up a sec...I am not insecure...I just see myself a little differently than I'd like. I am confident in many ways and I believe everyone is, however, I have this theory that everyone only thinks they're insecure only because the world makes you question everything about yourself down to the very last dirty detail.

The world is a fucking cruel place. I want to let you all know that in case you've forgotten or maybe just haven't noticed as clearly as others. It is. Look at what we have to see on a daily basis in the news, magazines, facebook posts, and every other place we gain access to. It's pretty fucking sad and delivers an honest appeal to where we are headed in the world and how we see ourselves in the process.

We all want to make the world a better place. It's fact that in the past few years or so people have taken action to do things beyond belief and it's amazing! However, the sad reality is that there's a lot of drawback as well. Us humans are natural born dreamers and believers. We have ideas that could possibly change the world or at least shape it into a better place, but what's really the issue. The world, that's what. People. Things. I call these things insecurity as it lies everywhere and not just in ourselves.

I'll be the first to admit that I have a lot of self doubt about the things I would like to accomplish before my time ends here on Earth, whenever that may be. I have a lot of feelings about myself that make me question the factor of being "good enough" to accomplish everything on my Bucket List. When I think about this, I think about others with the same passion and doubt. It's hard living in such a cutthroat world knowing that you can in fact do anything you want, but struggling to find the strength to make it happen. It takes a lot out of a person and it creates such a mind fuck that it basically sets everything back and therefore stopping all you've ever dreamed. Why is this? Because of the image the world has created for success. This is how we should look, this is how we should act, and this is how it will be is all that is attained by making social media and everything inside it a priority. It needs to stop.

I recently gained inspiration by watching a video by Trisha Paytas; a very well known YouTube starlet. A lot of people like her and many dislike her as well and basically because she is a voluptuous blonde with a lot of confidence and not giving a fuck what people think about her, her faith, and the way she puts out to the world. I hated her in the beginning and not because she was very bubbly and talkative, but because she was someone trying to defeat the beauty standard and succeeding at it in the process. I had to subscribe to her. The more I watched Trisha, the more I began to like her because she taught me many valuable things that I never thought could be attained from someone with a huge following. I've always been a freethinker and I will be til I hit the grave, but Trisha helped me open up my mind and accept that there will always be haters, not everyone will like how you look, people will be extremely fucking annoyed, but you must never give a fuck. YOU. MUST. NEVER. GIVE. A. FUCK. Why? Because otherwise you'll swirl down the toilet with the rest of the people who are intimidated by personas and statuses.

So in conclusion, I owe Trisha Paytas a lot of gratitude for making it easier to accept myself and to continue my mission trying to do what I want to do and trying to make this world a better place for myself and others too.

I may not be the prettiest girl in the world and that will always be fact. I will never be a size zero and why the fuck would I want to be? I will always have a great idea that not everyone will give a shit about, but I will always have myself to lean on at the end of the day. As long as I believe I can do and be anything, it will happen as long as I don't give a fuck. SO, maybe I might not fit the model profile and sure, pin up is quite a hefty place to start...but I can do it and I want to help everyone else believe in themselves again.

What are you most insecure about and what is something you'd like to do to make a difference in this world?

Until next time...

Sincerely,
Josie