On Tuesday a very special woman to me passed away. My dear aunt Shirley whom I have grown to love with so much in me left myself and many others with a great deal of sadness in our hearts. Along with the sadness, words cannot even convey how much joy Shirley has placed in our hearts as well and in which is mainly why many of us are deeply saddened.
Life is a piece of work, but death is a motherfucker. I wish just as much as others that death did not exist and that we could live forever...but it simply cannot be done and we find ways in life to cope with our losses and find ways and signs of life to continue on. This is probably the hardest realization and also the only thing that helps us in the end.
I never thought I could ever hurt so much in my entire life. That feeling of something missing weighing our hearts is so intense that you feel as if yourself is the one dying. Instead, we live.
I used to be terrified of death. I would lie awake in the night and fear of where I would end up if somehow I died. I would (back when I had belief) pray to god and ask for safety and I would clutch onto my chest and cry because I could not fathom not being able to breathe. As you grow older you become less fearful and your question of the unknown lessens. Today I still wonder, but not until I run out of breath.
We've all been to that place in life where we would like to disappear and never be in existence. This is the most selfish feeling in the world, but you're a fucking liar if you've claimed to never felt this way. I've contemplated this many times and still do from time to time because once upon a time we've all been told that there's a "better place" amongst us and we eventually go there when time ends. Sounds almost like a dream, right?
I don't want you all to read this and think I'm being a downer because that's not at all what this is about, in fact, there's a silver lining. Life is too short and many take for granted what others lived and breathed appreciatively. People get shunned for beaming positivity. Others get treated like shit for being true to who they are and mostly for the way they respresent it. I fucking hate how people can be so cruel and make others feel so inferior. It's like what I've stated in my last post and if you refer that to this, you'll realize exactly how important life is and how it matters to be a better you each and every day.
I don't preach "stop giving a shit" for nothing...and this is exactly why it should be applied now. Do you want to live lfe with regrets just because someone was insecure that you could change the world? I didn't think so. Be kind and love more. Stop pushing people away, especially those that matter the most! What are your last thoughts and feelings going to be of this person once they pass or rather how would they feel about you?
If I could create a foundation for a better tomorrow, my platform would be appreciation. People expect so much in a world where only little can be given. Appreciate the damn little things in life because sometimes that's all that can be given and at most becomes the biggest impact in your life and in others. When you only have so much to give, don't advertise it as just something small, make it become like an investment where it can become huge over time.
In conclusion, I've learned through aunt Shirley's passing that the most important things in life are usually the smallest gifts. I grew up with loving parents that may not had the world to give me, but they gave me a small portion of what they could that trend into bigger and better things in life. Those gifts were: loyalty, appreciation, honesty, and kindness. To this day I've learned to utilize this so that others can learn by example just how big of an impact it can make.
Life is wonderful if you utilize your experience correctly and there's never a late start in shaping it better. Go ahead and make your mistakes, but learn from it. Treat others how you'd want to be treated. Someone out there is fighting a battle as well. Make their fight less extreme. Pay it forward.
Sincerely,
Josie
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