I am just going to disclose right here and now that I don't like when models put out there what a certain type of modeling really is (I.E. runway, lingerie, etc.), in other words, basically being a huge asshole about it in the process. Established or unestablished (ahem, making your way, I mean.) you do what you love with much conviction and you are passionate about it. To me this is what I like to call "Art".
Many of you may or may not know, but I do modeling. I specialize in "pin up" modeling, but lately I have been doing a lot of boudoir type modeling (which could be pin up, I guess) and it's been real exciting. On the 1st I have another shoot; for nothing special but my portfolio...anyway, this is why I have not been responsive for a while.
You all have been so accepting to my ambitions and some have even inspired me to do what I enjoy and isn't that what everyone should be doing? Regardless, I am happy to be writing to you all to let you know that I am alive and well. My life hasn't changed, but I feel happy.
Modeling has been a lot of fun and a passion of mine for a very long time. I've been researching for a couple years now on how I can really get out there. I am not looking for fame or fortune, but to become an inspiration to those who have body image issues such as I. Now, I know what you're thinking: "How could you possibly ever consider modeling if you are so insecure?" Well, back up a sec...I am not insecure...I just see myself a little differently than I'd like. I am confident in many ways and I believe everyone is, however, I have this theory that everyone only thinks they're insecure only because the world makes you question everything about yourself down to the very last dirty detail.
The world is a fucking cruel place. I want to let you all know that in case you've forgotten or maybe just haven't noticed as clearly as others. It is. Look at what we have to see on a daily basis in the news, magazines, facebook posts, and every other place we gain access to. It's pretty fucking sad and delivers an honest appeal to where we are headed in the world and how we see ourselves in the process.
We all want to make the world a better place. It's fact that in the past few years or so people have taken action to do things beyond belief and it's amazing! However, the sad reality is that there's a lot of drawback as well. Us humans are natural born dreamers and believers. We have ideas that could possibly change the world or at least shape it into a better place, but what's really the issue. The world, that's what. People. Things. I call these things insecurity as it lies everywhere and not just in ourselves.
I'll be the first to admit that I have a lot of self doubt about the things I would like to accomplish before my time ends here on Earth, whenever that may be. I have a lot of feelings about myself that make me question the factor of being "good enough" to accomplish everything on my Bucket List. When I think about this, I think about others with the same passion and doubt. It's hard living in such a cutthroat world knowing that you can in fact do anything you want, but struggling to find the strength to make it happen. It takes a lot out of a person and it creates such a mind fuck that it basically sets everything back and therefore stopping all you've ever dreamed. Why is this? Because of the image the world has created for success. This is how we should look, this is how we should act, and this is how it will be is all that is attained by making social media and everything inside it a priority. It needs to stop.
I recently gained inspiration by watching a video by Trisha Paytas; a very well known YouTube starlet. A lot of people like her and many dislike her as well and basically because she is a voluptuous blonde with a lot of confidence and not giving a fuck what people think about her, her faith, and the way she puts out to the world. I hated her in the beginning and not because she was very bubbly and talkative, but because she was someone trying to defeat the beauty standard and succeeding at it in the process. I had to subscribe to her. The more I watched Trisha, the more I began to like her because she taught me many valuable things that I never thought could be attained from someone with a huge following. I've always been a freethinker and I will be til I hit the grave, but Trisha helped me open up my mind and accept that there will always be haters, not everyone will like how you look, people will be extremely fucking annoyed, but you must never give a fuck. YOU. MUST. NEVER. GIVE. A. FUCK. Why? Because otherwise you'll swirl down the toilet with the rest of the people who are intimidated by personas and statuses.
So in conclusion, I owe Trisha Paytas a lot of gratitude for making it easier to accept myself and to continue my mission trying to do what I want to do and trying to make this world a better place for myself and others too.
I may not be the prettiest girl in the world and that will always be fact. I will never be a size zero and why the fuck would I want to be? I will always have a great idea that not everyone will give a shit about, but I will always have myself to lean on at the end of the day. As long as I believe I can do and be anything, it will happen as long as I don't give a fuck. SO, maybe I might not fit the model profile and sure, pin up is quite a hefty place to start...but I can do it and I want to help everyone else believe in themselves again.
What are you most insecure about and what is something you'd like to do to make a difference in this world?
Until next time...
Sincerely,
Josie
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