Progress.

I had every intention of coming on here today and sharing a DIY that I've been planning all week and then I realized something else...I have been stuck in my own world on all these positive things I've been encountering and it's been making me super happy so I decided to put it off for another day.

Consider this as a positive negative...lol.

Anyway, as you all have been following, I've been yearning for a way to make my life better and mostly in an emotional sense. I've dealt with anxiety so long that I've been so unraveled. It's hard getting yourself out of a hole that is essentially becoming a grave.

Today, I've made some positive changes starting with the way I look at things and it feel so wonderful! Normally I get anxious in public places, no matter te circumstance. I instantly become shaky and then I mentally put myself down. Today as I was browsing through a store, I began to think about things differently. I focused on the things I was after and how happy of an impact it's going to make later on. I looked at a shirt and complimented myself for the first in a long time. I was genuinely happy! I wasn't shaking out of nervousness and I talked backed to myself civilly. This was the most life changing experience to date and began to see how easy it will be to continue.

Another progress I've been making is my credit card debt that I've been struggling with for a while. I don't openly speak about this because really, who would? No one should be proud of their debt...at least not until you get out of it. I never thought about how hard it would be to get out of credit card debt until I got myself into it and now little by little, I'm starting to get out. It's a liberating feeling amongst many.

So you see, I have legit reasons why I put off something I said I would do and I hope it doesn't sound like another excuse, but truly, this is why I spaced out on it. I am naturally a space cadet either way, but today was something really positive that deserved to take the spotlight.

What is something positive that you encountered lately?

Sincerely, 

Josie 

We are who we are.

Has anyone else binged on season 2 of Orange is the New Black? I have and I'm now dealing with the agony of wondering about season 3. I really am going to be lost until then...

This past week I went to see Wayne Static perform all of "Wisconsin Death Trip" and it was amazing just as the first time I heard it many years back. This week endured many ups and downs but I still remain on top and in control of my feelings and finding better ways to control my anxiety or hopefully it works.

You all may or may not know that I've been dealing with anxiety and that I've been taking prescription Prozac to help with it, but recently I've decided to not take it any longer and it's been a motherfuckin nightmare since and I sincerely feel awful for the way I've been feeling and acting out on it. I had a bad attack while I was at the Wayne static show and my boyfriend got the blunt end of it and it pains me because it wasn't his fault. I've turned around since then and he's been such a wonderful soul for helping me deal with this. We are getting somewhere.

I just want everyone to know that I'll be okay and that I've tried the best I could to try out medication, but it just wasn't wooing me the way I wanted to and the feeling I had really fucked with me so I had to stop. Anyone who's been through this will understand. It's hard and fucked up, but there's always a light at the end of the tunnel somewhere. Maybe I'll make it out of the tunnel one day, but for now I'm just working out the navigation. 

Hopefully everyone has a good rest of the  week because I'll have more to come and a small DIY to share. Weds will be the day for that! Until then, hold on.

Sincerely,

Josie

Life and Death.

Life is a really complicated place. I don't know how else to stress it. These past couple days have really brought out a lot of emotion inside of me to really dwell on all the things in life that make it wonderful and the things in life that make it what it is. One of the greatest things about life that I completely enjoy is the people that are placed in it and how they have shaped some part of it. And this is where it begins...

On Tuesday a very special woman to me passed away. My dear aunt Shirley whom I have grown to love with so much in me left myself and many others with a great deal of sadness in our hearts. Along with the sadness, words cannot even convey how much joy Shirley has placed in our hearts as well and in which is mainly why many of us are deeply saddened.

Life is a piece of work, but death is a motherfucker. I wish just as much as others that death did not exist and that we could live forever...but it simply cannot be done and we find ways in life to cope with our losses and find ways and signs of life to continue on. This is probably the hardest realization and also the only thing that helps us in the end.

I never thought I could ever hurt so much in my entire life. That feeling of something missing weighing our hearts is so intense that you feel as if yourself is the one dying. Instead, we live.

I used to be terrified of death. I would lie awake in the night and fear of where I would end up if somehow I died. I would (back when I had belief) pray to god and ask for safety and I would clutch onto my chest and cry because I could not fathom not being able to breathe. As you grow older you become less fearful and your question of the unknown lessens. Today I still wonder, but not until I run out of breath.

We've all been to that place in life where we would like to disappear and never be in existence. This is the most selfish feeling in the world, but you're a fucking liar if you've claimed to never felt this way. I've contemplated this many times and still do from time to time because once upon a time we've all been told that there's a "better place" amongst us and we eventually go there when time ends. Sounds almost like a dream, right? 

I don't want you all to read this and think I'm being a downer because that's not at all what this is about, in fact, there's a silver lining. Life is too short and many take for granted what others lived and breathed appreciatively. People get shunned for beaming positivity. Others get treated like shit for being true to who they are and mostly for the way they respresent it. I fucking hate how people can be so cruel and make others feel so inferior. It's like what I've stated in my last post and if you refer that to this, you'll realize exactly how important life is and how it matters to be a better you each and every day.

I don't preach "stop giving a shit" for nothing...and this is exactly why it should be applied now. Do you want to live lfe with regrets just because someone was insecure that you could change the world? I didn't think so. Be kind and love more. Stop pushing people away, especially those that matter the most! What are your last thoughts and feelings going to be of this person once they pass  or rather how would they feel about you?

If I could create a foundation for a better tomorrow, my platform would be appreciation. People expect so much in a world where only little can be given. Appreciate the damn little things in life because sometimes that's all that can be given and at most becomes the biggest impact in your life and in others. When you only have so much to give, don't advertise it as just something small, make it become like an investment where it can become huge over time. 

In conclusion, I've learned through aunt Shirley's passing that the most important things in life are usually the smallest gifts. I grew up with loving parents that may not had the world to give me, but they gave me a small portion of what they could that trend into bigger and better things in life. Those gifts were: loyalty, appreciation, honesty, and kindness. To this day I've learned to utilize this so that others can learn by example just how big of an impact it can make.

Life is wonderful if you utilize your experience correctly and there's never a late start in shaping it better. Go ahead and make your mistakes, but learn from it. Treat others how you'd want to be treated. Someone out there is fighting a battle as well. Make their fight less extreme. Pay it forward.

Sincerely,

Josie

Promiscuity and the Beast.

Before I lay my head to rest for the night, I thought about a lot of things in my life that I am proud of and then some that I am not so proud of. For example, I have gained a lot of attention in my life from the things I have done and talking about it. SD dating for one is something I have strongly gained a lot of attention from. Did you know: I was asked my a rep from The Wendy Williams Show to be interviewed for a segment on SD dating? Fact! When I realized that at that point in time, I freaked out. I wasn't afraid because of what my family would think and how others would look at me because I already know...the real deal is that I was shocked that someone wanted to hear my voice on the topic even long after I had uploaded my video to YouTube! I still can't believe it.

I ended up shooting down the Wendy Williams project because I don't think that kind of exposure is healthy for the lifestyle I am leading nowadays. Sure, I advertise on here and my YT about how exciting SD dating was and I have posted on here how you can have really thrilling odd jobs, but at the end of the day, I don't want it to be mistaken for something it was never meant to be.

The internet is so large that in a matter of milliseconds the whole world can hear your thoughts. It's really terrifying if you really think about it. I am certain that somewhere on this internet, my naked body has surfaced somewhere for the eyes of someone to look at. I knew from the beginning that by putting myself out there that way would eventually lead to some form of consequence, whatever that may be. I know deep down inside I am disappointing someone and I am exciting someone at the same time....from something that happened well over 2 years ago.

I want you all to trust me; not just by my words, but in your heart when I say to do the things that make you happy. The reason I started this blog was to share my experiences with the world and to inspire people and to make someone else feel great about themselves. At the end of the say, happiness will always be the greatest reward one can make, but make sure that happiness is based upon something great and not deceitful or out of spite.

I have been labeled many things throughout my life and I suppose I deserved it from the way I brought it out. I brought it upon myself. I don't regret anything I've experienced (well, some things..) because at the end of the day or at some point, it was exactly what you wanted.

The moral of the story is to do what you want, but take risks and precautions. I try to stress this when I make certain posts. I would never want to see or hear anyone get themselves in a great deal of danger. Hopefully I come across clear enough for you to get it.

That is all and I am ready for bed! Photoshoot tomorrow and I am so excited!

Sincerely,
Josie

The Pin Up life and self love.

I am just going to disclose right here and now that I don't like when models put out there what a certain type of modeling really is (I.E. runway, lingerie, etc.), in other words, basically being a huge asshole about it in the process. Established or unestablished (ahem, making your way, I mean.) you do what you love with much conviction and you are passionate about it. To me this is what I like to call "Art".
Many of you may or may not know, but I do modeling. I specialize in "pin up" modeling, but lately I have been doing a lot of boudoir type modeling (which could be pin up, I guess) and it's been real exciting. On the 1st I have another shoot; for nothing special but my portfolio...anyway, this is why I have not been responsive for a while.

You all have been so accepting to my ambitions and some have even inspired me to do what I enjoy and isn't that what everyone should be doing? Regardless, I am happy to be writing to you all to let you know that I am alive and well. My life hasn't changed, but I feel happy.

Modeling has been a lot of fun and a passion of mine for a very long time. I've been researching for a couple years now on how I can really get out there. I am not looking for fame or fortune, but to become an inspiration to those who have body image issues such as I. Now, I know what you're thinking: "How could you possibly ever consider modeling if you are so insecure?" Well, back up a sec...I am not insecure...I just see myself a little differently than I'd like. I am confident in many ways and I believe everyone is, however, I have this theory that everyone only thinks they're insecure only because the world makes you question everything about yourself down to the very last dirty detail.

The world is a fucking cruel place. I want to let you all know that in case you've forgotten or maybe just haven't noticed as clearly as others. It is. Look at what we have to see on a daily basis in the news, magazines, facebook posts, and every other place we gain access to. It's pretty fucking sad and delivers an honest appeal to where we are headed in the world and how we see ourselves in the process.

We all want to make the world a better place. It's fact that in the past few years or so people have taken action to do things beyond belief and it's amazing! However, the sad reality is that there's a lot of drawback as well. Us humans are natural born dreamers and believers. We have ideas that could possibly change the world or at least shape it into a better place, but what's really the issue. The world, that's what. People. Things. I call these things insecurity as it lies everywhere and not just in ourselves.

I'll be the first to admit that I have a lot of self doubt about the things I would like to accomplish before my time ends here on Earth, whenever that may be. I have a lot of feelings about myself that make me question the factor of being "good enough" to accomplish everything on my Bucket List. When I think about this, I think about others with the same passion and doubt. It's hard living in such a cutthroat world knowing that you can in fact do anything you want, but struggling to find the strength to make it happen. It takes a lot out of a person and it creates such a mind fuck that it basically sets everything back and therefore stopping all you've ever dreamed. Why is this? Because of the image the world has created for success. This is how we should look, this is how we should act, and this is how it will be is all that is attained by making social media and everything inside it a priority. It needs to stop.

I recently gained inspiration by watching a video by Trisha Paytas; a very well known YouTube starlet. A lot of people like her and many dislike her as well and basically because she is a voluptuous blonde with a lot of confidence and not giving a fuck what people think about her, her faith, and the way she puts out to the world. I hated her in the beginning and not because she was very bubbly and talkative, but because she was someone trying to defeat the beauty standard and succeeding at it in the process. I had to subscribe to her. The more I watched Trisha, the more I began to like her because she taught me many valuable things that I never thought could be attained from someone with a huge following. I've always been a freethinker and I will be til I hit the grave, but Trisha helped me open up my mind and accept that there will always be haters, not everyone will like how you look, people will be extremely fucking annoyed, but you must never give a fuck. YOU. MUST. NEVER. GIVE. A. FUCK. Why? Because otherwise you'll swirl down the toilet with the rest of the people who are intimidated by personas and statuses.

So in conclusion, I owe Trisha Paytas a lot of gratitude for making it easier to accept myself and to continue my mission trying to do what I want to do and trying to make this world a better place for myself and others too.

I may not be the prettiest girl in the world and that will always be fact. I will never be a size zero and why the fuck would I want to be? I will always have a great idea that not everyone will give a shit about, but I will always have myself to lean on at the end of the day. As long as I believe I can do and be anything, it will happen as long as I don't give a fuck. SO, maybe I might not fit the model profile and sure, pin up is quite a hefty place to start...but I can do it and I want to help everyone else believe in themselves again.

What are you most insecure about and what is something you'd like to do to make a difference in this world?

Until next time...

Sincerely,
Josie

Simple DIY: Managing Your Anger/Sadness

We've all been there; getting angry or sad and then end up lashing out. Yeah, it almost sounds too familiar. Unfortunately, many of us don't know how to handle our anger well and it ends up being someone we care about getting the best of it...or worse, destroying ourselves. It hurts.

BUT, I have a new solution to the problem that doesn't cost a fortune and is easily effective in many ways, mostly therapeutic!
I like to call my newest project: "Project Anti-Acting Out". Why? Because when we are angry or sometimes in a severe state of sadness, a lot of us act out in a manner that is quite unhealthy. I had just announced my project earlier in the evening on my Facebook and had reached many responses to it. The best part about this method is that you don't need insurance or a licensed therapist, but a notebook, pen, and your thoughts.
However, not just any thoughts...No. These thoughts are meant to be specific. The way we feel when we are angry or sad is usually feelings of hatred. These feelings of hatred usually stem off into curse words that we normally would say aloud, but instead, you say it on paper; a one worded sentence over and over and over....until you feel better.

Example:
"Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Fuck. Bitch. Asshole. Jerk. Fucker. Cunt" and the list goes on and on.Okay, Yeah I know my words might be a little vulgar to the norm, but "Poophead" wasn't really in the cards when my anger struck...I am more verbally abusive when it comes to my attack. When it comes to feeling better, it's best to write it out the way you normally would if you were actually going to say it...but instead, you're not saying it to anyone but yourself.

Why is it effective?
Because. Think about it....Instead of striking down a victim in a verbally abusive manner, you write it down and keep writing it until you feel better. You just keep going until you no longer feel the need to. It's as simple as that..Oh and did I mention that it's incredibly cheap? I'm sure many of you have a notebook and pen lying around, so go make use of the unwritten journal and make it into a personal tool to self medicate yourself in a healthier way.

And that's all that needs to be explained.

How do you "act out"?

Sincerely,
Josie

Pour Some Sugar On Me: Life As A Sugar Baby

This is a very tough subject to really put into words, which is why I have made a couple videos on my YouTube account to really express how I feel about the subject and have received some very appreciated responses to the matter as well.
This lifestyle is not for everyone and I will just say this first and foremost. This is something that can be adapted into one's lifestyle, but seriously, if it's not for you, you will know and therefore do not pursue it any further. This is some very sage advice that I will be throwing out into the open to use as you please, but caution: This is all at your own risk and I do not accept or should be held accountable for your actions.

What is a sugar baby, you ask? A sugar baby is a female whom dates wealthy (mostly) older males (called "Sugar Daddies" to gain money, gifts, and luxury. Basically, if you work it right, you can get anything your heart desires...but that's too easy, right? Exactly. There's an abundance that goes along with the rewards that could potentially become high risks for you in the process and that shall be mentioned.

There are many ways to attain the Sugar Daddy of your dreams, but just be warned that a background check might come in handy if it deems appropriate. However, many sites these days that offer the SD/SB relationship require for SD's only to have one upon signing up and I love this as it will confirm everything you really want and/or need to know. However, if you do it a craigslist way and search, that is at your own risk and I do not condone this as craigslist is the shadiest of all places on the internet (insert Lifetime movie: "The Craigslist Killer").

Now as for the sites, what ones should you look into? Here's a short list that I personally have enjoyed:

• SeekingArrangements (Great site with many benefits and lots of verification)
• MissTravel (For those looking to be a companion and see the world)
• Sugarbaby4u (A little meh, but does the job)
• MarryMeSugarDaddy (Obviously for those looking for love and wealth)
• WhatsYourPrice (Very self explanatory...you set the rate and they pay to take you on the date!)
• SugarSugar (Another basic site for SD/SB dating)

So which site is right for you? Obviously that is all determined by your wants/needs and the rest is history. That's the fun part of the whole process, but next is the scary part which many young women tend to disregard....

1. Safety...and in case that isn't obvious enough, then maybe you need to check yourself for some common sense. You have every option in this world to make yourself safe from danger just as you do to make yourself approachable. Set limits or better yet boundaries and draw a thick line. Put your foot down and never back away from your comfort zone. The most common mistake that Sugar Babies make is the whole getting too comfortable wayyyy too fast. This is how you get yourself in danger and no amount of money can provide you that kind of security.
2. Honesty...if there's a will, there's a way and that will help you get what you want out of the relationship. You can't expect the Sugar Daddy to take control of everything, no, that is your job. How do you expect to get what you want if you don't lay it out on the table and have it recognized? Exactly my point. Never beat around the bush as it will only create more frustration on your part. Don't lie and say you are childless when in fact you are a mother. An SD will wonder why you aren't making arrangements as often and will tend to move on unless you provide him with that info that you have other responsibilities and need to tend to that first. Don't worry about it either because a real SD will comply with that and like I said, YOU are in control of this relationship.
3. Trust...A relationship is made up of this one very word and just like a normal relationship, this applies to an arrangement. Don't act all into it if you're not going to hold up your end of the bargain, SD's will notice if you're just in it to take the money and run...no, that is not how it's done. This is a relationship and in which you basically tend to the SD as well. If you're looking to just score a Louis and some cash to run with, then you might as well just become a Cam Girl because Cam Girl's are soulless in that aspect.

So now that we have the 3 main basic (or what I like to call) "Rules of Disregard" out of the way, what's next?

Ahh, yes...Your Profile and such....

So you have made an account on a site and now you're wondering how to make it all come together; to get those Sugar Daddies running your way to vie for your attention. But now you're at a loss of words and lack of imagination, here's a few things that could help you benefit:

1. Make sure your profile picture is something that shows off your good side; something that maybe you have gained much positive feedback on FB or other social networking sites. Don't be too revealing, but don't look like you just rolled out of bed, snapped a pic, and decided that was good enough. No, make up is your friend and lighting does wonders. If you have a few extra pounds, don't photoshop it; accentuate it. If you have extra pounds, explain it and don't be insecure. You are woman so let the SD world hear you roar (Katy Perry style!).
2. Do not hide any details. If you have goals and dreams then be sure to list it! An SD loves a woman with passion and how else are they going to know to help you if you don't tell them. However, though details are great, don't be too obvious...leave some mystery open for discussion. 
3. If you're looking for an SD right away, then don't wait for one to contact you...initiate the conversation first by sending a message, wink...whatever is available. When you do get to talking, always talk on the site first and then give personal numbers out later. If he's genuine then he will understand.
4. Lastly, when you get to the stage of arrangement status then make it local first...or have him come to you. especially if you're not comfortable with traveling just yet. However, if you are interested in travel first, then be sure to have him request a hotel room for you first so you have a place to go and NEVER bring him there with you just for cautionary purposes. The last thing that is to be mentioned is that a public "date" is sagely important just in the beginning because who knows what his intentions are and that is something you need to guard.

These are all the basics that are necessary to know in order to become a successful Sugar Baby. As you can see, a lot more is entailed than expected. It may seem easy to keep up with, but the lifestyle traps you into it fast to the point where you think you can handle more than you can chew. When I first got into the Lifestyle, I had no idea just how addictive it could become and I later found myself with 3 SDs and a lot of regret. Stick to a slow pace and just go ahead and proceed with caution.

If you think this is all fairytale without the horror, you are dead wrong. I have encountered times when I could have gotten myself in some serious harm and back then I wish I had someone to guide with with the knowledge that I have pertained nowadays. I started out the worst way possible and that was getting into the relationship without setting limits until it was almost too late. With that being said:

You do not have to have sex with your Sugar Daddy. It may come as a surprise to some of you, but a lot of SDs aren't just looking for a fine piece of ass, they look for companionship as well which is also rather hard to come across. If you feel you aren't ready to engage in such things, you make sure that is known and any respectful person will comply with that, especially your SD (or genuine SD).

I have gained numerous responses retorting that what I have done and what many other women do is basically prostitution- Wrong! A prostitute and a SB may seem very similar (and which they are in the business aspect) there are many things that set apart an SB from a prostitute.

A prostitute is basically all business without the companionship. They gather clients and get paid for sex and sex only. Prostitutes basically have no further connection with these people and never go outside of their business to interact with their customers otherwise. With an SB, you make connections with these men you intend to pursue and you go out on dates and create other activities that you both enjoy together; it's an ongoing arrangement and just like every other normal relationship, you make a choice to engage in sexual activity with your SD based on your limits, but you aren't bound to it just for money like a prostitute would. I like to consider an SD/SB relationship like any other relationship out there...think of it as having a very wealthy and much older boyfriend.

So you see? There is a difference after all and if you so desire and get to that point in time, you could potentially end up marrying your SD if you choose to do so...that is all up to you. You keep it as you'd like and it is to be complied. Sex is just something us humans do as a part of nature, but if it is morally wrong for you to do so, then you don't have to. Believe it or not, not all SDs are in it for sex...many of them are just lonely and need someone to hang out with or talk to so as a token of their appreciation, they spoil you. It works out on so many levels, but you need to understand that a certain gain of trust is what makes it happen.

You can definitely benefit from this lifestyle and I have seen many success in it. I have been asked if it's possible to quit a dead end job that you're already committed to and just be a full-time SD? Absolutely! If you feel your arrangements are working very well, then go for it, but I personally like a fall back in case things don't go the way as intended. I actually encourage many young SBs to continue working while doing the SD/SB relationship. This also applies to you Co-Ed women. That is very self-explained as well.

I obviously wouldn't have came on here to talk about this subject if I had no knowledge whatsoever and in fact because of my success with my YT vids and awesome feedback, I have been offered appearances on various talk shows to explain my experience as well as advice to aspiring SBs out there. To be fair, I have respectfully declined to do so though I had many interest, but maybe one day I will share my experience with the world on a live broadcast...right now, it's just not suit.

There is more to life than being a Sugar Baby. I love how normal everything is in my life without the luxury...which was nice and I was very fortunate to get, but finding your own independence is so much more rewarding and safer I must add. Without the pressure of keeping a relationship I wasn't happy with, I have found myself so much happier to connect with someone out in the real world that cares for me more than just arm candy and for me I get to care for someone and benefit from that on the basis of love. That to me is so much more luxurious. In the words of Lorde: "Well never be Royals, it doesn't run in our blood, that kind of luxe just aint for us, we crave a different kind of buzz". That to me speaks volumes because sometimes stepping outside of where you come from can help you value what you had in the beginning.

Now the last thing I will add is that if you have to hide your relationships/arrangements from family and friends out of shame, then maybe it's a good idea for you to gain perspective on the subject first before pursuing it. I know many joke about the matter, but if you respect the feelings of those that you truly admire, it will help you gain a better sense of what you should really be doing. It's rather complicated to begin with, but it's really your decision and if that's the case, go for it, but keep it on the DL until it is safe to openly admit it.

That is all I have for you and in the meantime ask yourself if this is right for you. Can you handle this responsibility and are you secure enough with yourself to really pull through it? Any other questions that I may have not covered enough for you, send it my way and I will do my best to respond.

As always, I only have the greatest intentions to provide you with only the best I can possibly manage.

Sincerely,

Josie